We spent the afternoon talking about everything that had happened. He was still so angry and I couldn't do or say anything right. I really hurt for him because I believed it was pure guilt that was causing so much anger. I'm not saying I was perfect...because heaven knows I wasn't. A lot of what he was saying to me was true. I had lost myself, and was barely a wife...much less a person. But we weren't going to be able to fix this if we couldn't find a common ground, and I wanted it so much!
After a few hours, he left. He went to stay at his mom and dad's house. They lived just a block away. I laid in bed, with the TV on and cried myself to sleep.
The next morning, he came over and came into the bedroom. I got up from the bed and hugged him so tight. He broke down and cried. He then said "I choose you." Oh my word! I was joyous! I truly believed we would work things out and live happily ever after. It was over!
He called her and broke the news. She didn't take it well, of course. He was a mess. But I held his hand and talked him through it. I also asked questions about things that had happened. I didn't feel like he was answering honestly. I thought maybe it was too soon, but deep down inside, I knew he was still protecting her and that wasn't good.
Needless to say, the happy reconciliation only last two days. It's all it took for her to get back in there. I really blame her for this because if she would have left when he told her it was over we could have worked through it. But she was stronger than I was. She won. I knew it in my heart. My marriage was finished.
Gus wasn't to graduate boot camp for another eight weeks. I worried how I would get out to San Diego to watch graduation on my own. I also worried where he would stay when he came home and how I could spend time with him. I decided I was staying in my marriage until I was asked to leave. I hoped I would still be there when these things happened...so I held my breath and kept moving forward.
For the next weeks, I kept up appearances, of course, but I no longer fought. If he didn't want me, he didn't want me. At the same time, I prayed he would see she would not bring him happiness and I hoped our kids would keep him focused. I believed in us, and our marriage and most importantly our relationship.
Graduation time finally came. Daddy-O and I boarded an airplane together and headed to San Diego. By this time, we were polite, but that's about all. He was still checking his phone every second he could and I was still so sad.
We made it through Family Day and Graduation and we were able to bring our son home! It was so good to see him. I felt like I had a friend again. I didn't know what was going to happen but for ten days,while Gus was home, I wasn't alone. He still didn't know what was happening between his father and I. I just didn't know how to tell him and I didn't want to if things were to work out. I was still protecting Daddy-O.
The third night night he was home, Gus wanted to go to his favorite restaurant for a family dinner. Of course we agreed. But while we were getting ready to go, in our bedroom, Daddy-O told me it was over. He wanted to move her in, in three weeks. It was my notice.
I lost control! I cried and begged and pleaded. I thought I was ready for it to end, but I really wasn't. I didn't want to tell the boys but they'd have to know now. I dreaded it.
We went to dinner and I tried to hold it together, but failed. I cried. A lot. Gus wondered what was happening, but he didn't ask. When we got home afterward, I begged Daddy-O again to think about it. But he was finished. He packed up and he left. I knew he was headed to her.
I was left to tell our son. He walked into the bedroom and just looked at me. I could only get out one word. Her name. And then he knew. He started to cry. Then he too left. He needed to be with friends. I was alone to wonder how everything went so wrong and what was I going to do.
This story is taking longer to tell than I thought it would. I will finish up next post. I want to say thank you for the sweet emails and comments you have left. It gives me strength. So thanks.